The Magically Changing Weblog

I found this on a website of someone who is stalking me:

March 27, 2002

assholes

screw it. i'm a bigger person than that.


Sadly, I wish that I shared her thoughts on that. I think she only changed whatever threatening entry on there because of Jules's post about the birthday card that she sent him. The changed post proves that she's guilty. If she is a real person. Which I doubt. There are too many, well, "abnormalties" in her weblog. Unfortunately, Tawnya never gave up. Stalking is stalking. No matter what your "reasons" are.

Another Barrier Broken

I used to be afraid of the Brady. I used to not want to go there. But tonight? Tonight I went. I sat in the front row, and watched James make an ass out of himself. The show wasn't that bad. Jules fell asleep, but that's probably because he's used to the death metal of people like Danzig. Jade was screaming so loud in my ear.... What for? Darren Hayes isn't that great, is he? I was invited to the after-concert backstage party, but I didn't go. I decided to walk home. For some reason, I kept glancing up at the star-studded sky and wondering... Am I going there someday? I actually had to stop walking and bite my lip. I can be a real freak sometimes. News flash: I always wanted to be an astronaught. I don't know why. I guess it had to do with my sister's love affair with Wesly Crusher (Wil Wheaton) on Star Trek, The Next Generation. I hurried home. I think I made good time. I was home within an hour after the show ended, and here I am. At least my dog was happy to see me.

I think things are going to go back to normal from now on. Or so I hope. I'm not going to bring back the comments. Not ever. I'm sick of people telling me that they want me dead. That's okay... I want me dead too. Join the club. :D Not really. Honestly? I'm happy right now. Jade was happy when I left the Brady. James was smiling. People were a lot happier then when they left those Wombats' games. Come to think of it... I'm in such a good mood right now, I think I'll send Cedric some flowers. No, I'm not no gayboy, even though that's my flamer picture on the bottom of the page, I just think he'd like some flowers. I know I always welcome them when I'm in the hospital.

In a couple of hours, Julian is going to come home, and hopefully log online and check his inbox. There waiting for him will be his birthday present from me to him. It should be mentioned here when he opens the email. I hope he likes it.

Anyone who's emailed me in the past two days: Digital rice is giving me a bitch right now and lagging on my emails. I'm about three days behind. So if you've emailed me, and I haven't answered you, it's not that I hate you, it's that my email account is all screwed up right now.

Just A Message...

To "Tawnya" and her 12.237.199.211 "friend" that have been here a total of 18 times tonight (you guys must LOVE me or something. I thought you weren't stalkers?), what happened was someone made a mistake, thought that I was someone else, and posted a link to my site. No, it's not because of either of you that I can't have comments. I know neither of you were the ones that posted that you were going to cut my throat, unless you live in Tulsa. Then and only then do you have to worry. If you're concerned about my layout, why? It's HTML + a text graphic. Nothing is "stolen". I suggest that you get lives and leave me alone. Do you realize what you're doing, which is classified as stalking, is illegal and that I could press criminal charges on Tawnya at any given time? I'm not, but just because you've both got guilty consciences doesn't mean that my last couple of posts were about either of you. I know that neither of you like me or my site, and the only reason that you're here is to spy and snoop. This layout is staying for a while. It's been three weeks. Nothing here has changed. Don't you have anything better to do with your time? I know I do. I just thought I'd clear a few things up. James's site is also done with text graphics and HTML, neither of which is copyrighted to anyone. I'm not writing this to start any shit, but to inform. If none of you had posted shit about Jules in my guest book, he wouldn't be mad at you for the threatening birthday card that he got from Texas. Infact, you both must have something to worry about, or you wouldn't be checking these sites every 15 minutes. Trust me, we aren't going to post anything here that's going to happen legally because of that card until after it's happened. Please, get a life. I have to go out and live mine now.

Another Sick Day

I'm not going to ride things out this time. It's too much. I'm going to go away for a little while, I think. Threatening the life of someone who doesn't even come online is a little much, don't you think? And you're mad at me, not someone else, right? So why are you taking it out on someone else? Oh, and the LiveJournal account of mine? Deleted. Too many assholes were going there, and then bragging about how glad they are about my misfortunes. They're sick. Several people have emailed me saying that they wish that I was dead, or that I'd hurry up and die. You know what? I share your wishes. I wish that I were dead. Right now. It's not anything that you sick people have done to me to make me wish that. I've been thinking about death alot. I don't like the life that I'm living right now. People nagging me around here. Dave's gone, but that doesn't seem to make things right. Maybe those pills over there will help.

Twenty Questions

With my new, ahem, popularity, I've been bombarded with emails that I can't answer all at once. And since I can't have comments on here because of some phoney hypocrite, as James calls them, I've decided to answer the questions here and now:

Who is your dream guy?
What the hell.....? Who thinks up this shit!

What is your greatest journey?
Life, I guess. Oh, and that time I was driving to the mall and got stuck behind this toxic waste truck.

Which living person do you admire?
Jade. She loves life, the net, and never blames me for her "mistakes".

What do you dislike about your appearance?
Okay, how long do you want this entry? :D Kidding! I don't think I have that many flaws. I guess my flabby belly skin. That's pretty icky.

If you were to die, and comeback as a thing, what would it be?
::grins:: Do you really want to know?

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Living without cancer. Yes, it's changed my life that much.

What is your greatest fear?
Well, there's this ant nest under my dad's porch. I used to have nightmares about that falling on me and all the ants biting and stinging me. I guess that's my greatest fear.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
John Lennon. :D

Who are your favorite heroes in real life?
Again, too many to list in one weblog entry.

What are your favorite names?
Well, they damned sure aren't Billy or James!

How would you like to die?
Painlessly.

Your favorite expression?
"Who ate all the cookies?" Inside joke.

Which living person do you wish were dead?
I bet you're wanting me to say "BJ" huh? Well, I don't hate him. I don't wish him dead. I wish myself dead sometimes.

Which dead person do you wish were still alive?
My aunt, Peggy. :'( The last time I told her I loved her, I was still in elementary school. She died thinking that I hated her.

What do you remember when you were a kid?
Telling James that if we dug deep enough, we'd eventually dig to Hell, and he could spit in Satan's face. Don't ask. Yes, we were wacked then.

Which talent do you most would you like to have?
To the person who emailed me this: OPEN YOUR EYES! I have lots of musical talent.

One event that change your life forever?
The fall of the WTC. I used to race my sister to the tops of those buildings in the summer. I was planning on winning this year.

What pisses you off?
That person who posts threats on my site, James's site, and several others that thinks they have a "large peeenis".

What's wrong with you?
Whatever do you mean? :D

What do you most value in your friends?
The fact that they care about me.

Do you believe in God?
Sure. But he doesn't believe in me. :(

Where would you like to live?
In a world where leukemia doesn't exist.

Describe Life?
"Just how you make it"

Describe your life?
Never dull.


That's about it. Well, I guess that in the days to come, more or less, everyone who I knew out there in the real world is going to come to me and ask why I lied about my head. I don't think I owe them any sort of an explanation. Mostly because it doesn't matter what I say to them, they'll still hate me anyway. Oh well. I think my bed's calling me. Literally!! :D

Put One Link....

I posted a link last night that I probably shouldn't have. I've been through this before with people thinking that I'm some rock star. I'm not. I wish I was. If I were, then I'd have the money to get rid of my cancer. But I'm not. I have a bio page. I was hesitant to link to it because of the recent stalking that's been going on lately with me, James and my sis. I am going to play in James's show Friday night, but that's another story. I don't have any web space left, not since mine was all stolen from me last year. If I had a domain, do you think I'd use a free server?

Technically I am a famous musician. I play flute in the Tulsa Philharmonic. And I was the youngest person to join. Last year. When I was 17.

Changes

Your #1 Source!! :D It's amazing, really, what people will search for on the internet. Maybe this site is very confusing for some, but all that's really required to view it is a computer and the ability to start at the beginning and work your way to the end. No biggie.

I was thinking about changing some of the things around on here. First off, let me say that I finally looked at my own site today, and although Julian did a really good job on the layout here, I don't like the "pitty me" phrases that he put in the blue part at the top. So I changed that. I put the graphics in the place where that pansy line, shine bright little star was. What the hell??? I never asked for anyone to pitty me. Cancer happens. I don't come online for people to pitty me. That's for the real world. So, the graphic is moved.

James went to some kind of a rehearsal today. He said that he works his ass off, and that no one appreciates him. Now, where have I heard that before? He was like that in highschool. I think he wants out of the tour to be with my sister. Cute. A love story that unfolds online. I love it. Don't you?

The Mystery Continues

Marcy hasn't come back yet. Jade's stupid enough to keep emailing and trying to call Jana. I told her to forget it, that Marcy and Jana were the same person, that's why Jana was Marcy's contact person. I guess she doesn't want to be found, or come home. Either way, it's more then okay with me. She was starting to get really depressing with that "nobody loves me, everybody hates me" shit that she was writing both online and off. Not to mention that she was pissing me off. I hate it when someone says to me: "You hate me" and I haven't beaten them nearly to death yet. So there you have it. Marcy's run away, and yet everyone will come to the conclusion that I'm the bad guy. That how it was the last time, right?

Julian had one hell of a party today. I got so fucken drunk that I couldn't see straight. The booze, the music, the everything. I like having that kind of a life. I wish that I could do it all the time, but there'll be plenty of time for that in the future. Right now I'm wondering what Jules is going to do with this? Keep it? Let someone, say, who wants a domain, use it? I've never had a domain before, and I don't plan on giving up now. Heh. Who knows? Maybe James will let me have his.

Missing Persona

Marcy decided to run away last night. I'm not really concerned, but it seemed stupid that she'd write a suicide email, and then run off. She should know that would cause a problem. I'm not saying that Marcy is the smartest person in the world, but if you don't want anyone to stop you, why write a suicide email? I don't think that she actually went out and did something like suicide, but I really think that she wants the attention. Why give it to her? Eventually (hopefully), she'll out grow this, and move on with her life.

I got looking through some of my archives, and realized that I've been keeping an online journal for nearly a year now. Since when does a year hurry up? At least nothing bad has happened until here lately. But you know what? I'm not complaining. I had entries that were deleted in May, and I think I'll bring them back. Just for the one-year anniversary. Aren't I a sap?

James has been here all day long. The place reeks of pot, among other things. And then there's Jade all weepy, thinking that Marcy's run off and killed herself. She hasn't, but I guess that suicide is really a very touchy subject with Jade because of Bryan killing himself and all. Well, I know for a fact that Marcy has too much to live for to end her life now. James, however, seems really depressed for some reason. Don't ask, because I don't know.

It's been raining all day. I like the rain, as long as it doesn't turn into a violent tornado. I actually walked my dog out in the rain. It was nice. Damn... I should change the title of this entry to "nice". :D Not that I actually am or anything. I should get my ass to bed. I have work in the morning. No more laying around for me.