Party Time

I think there's going to be a party tonight. I've been trying to get a hold of Tay all day, but no luck. I think James could use a joint. If he can get done sucking on my sister for five minutes. :D I decided to find something that had a real beat to it, and use it. There wasn't anything good in the house, so I had to make a side trip to the mall. When I got back home, Marcy was saying something about suicide. I told her to do what she wanted, just don't get any blood on the floors... I was going to have enough to clean up after the party. I really don't have time for her attention-craving bullshit anymore. I'm sorry if that "saddens" or "sickens" anyone, but it's true. She has all this time to go online, lie like a dog, make herself out to be the victim, and then panick when things go the way that she seems to want them to. So I really don't care if she kills herself or not. Morbid motherfucker, ain't I? Well, she's more then likely not going to kill herself, for these reasons: One, I'm not that lucky. Two, she's got too many people to ruin to end her life now. And three, she's too cowardly to do something like that. So there you have it. Marcy's looking for attention, and there will actually be people out there who are dumb enough to give it to her. Naturally, most of these people will be her friend, the dial tone, and the ones that she makes up online. No one real will believe her or take her side. No one real will email her support, begging her not to do something stupid. Normal people should be able to see through her curtain, and ignore it.

Monday is Julian's birthday. Email him something good. He'll finally be 21. That's suddenly the age that I want to be now.

Me

I believe there is the good. I believe there is the bad. And everything else falls in the middle to balance it out.

I have never set out to change anyone, although I’ve had many people try to change me. I soon discovered I didn’t want to be changed. I will always be uniquely me.

A year ago my outlook on life was slightly different then it is today. It is amazing how quickly circumstances can change, but what matters most is how we deal with these changes. They have managed to seep into my heart and awaken me to all the things life has to offer.

Can you tell that I'm having a sick day?

Down Times

It seems that Blogger's Blog*Spots are going to be going down sometime today. Well, that should keep everyone more busy online. I feel fiesty. Like I want to beat someone up, but I don't, you know? Well, maybe not.

I'm almost not sick anymore. Do I hear some moans? Sorry. I'm still alive.

I hate this. Where'd Jade go? She said something about us watching that movie that she bought Monday, but she hasn't been around lately. I hope to god that she's not out there wondering whether or not to call Jana. That shouldn't really be a choice. Jana is Marcy's other name for "dial tone". :D

Oh, and this? It isn't a secret, but it is a bunch of lies. Marcy needs a life.

Wasn't

I wasn't going to write tonight. I don't feel well. Boo Hoo, huh? Well, this time, I've got a good, legit excuse. I suppose that it could be. I can't sleep. I've tried everything. I don't know. Maybe I need more of that warm milk? What milk? There's no sauce pans dirty here!! :D

I've got to stop blogging like this. People are going to think that I'm some kind of a pervert.

Hackers?

Someone tried to get into my Blogger account today. Ev, the guy that runs Blogger, sent me this email today: "I thought you'd like to know that someone is trying to pass themselves off as you with a Hotmail account." Yes, I have that Hotmail account name, and I've reported them. I don't use Hotmail for obvious reasons. When I was in highschool, the teacher gave us all accounts, for TeleComm2000, but I stopped using mine, and someone else already got the user name. Oh well. My site's not going to be taken down that easily. Try some other way, something a little more daring, like maybe hacking Blogger? That way, you won't be labeled as a worm, but you'll be easily identified and sent to jail all the same. Hacking is illegal. Didn't your mother ever teach you that?

I'm thinking about a new layout here. Julian said that he'd make me one if I really wanted it. And I do. I'm sick of the blah layout here. I like changes. But only if they're good.

Jana never answered my email. I didn't really expect her to. Jana is the type of person who thinks that she can shit on the world and never admit that she was wrong. Well, she is. She's mostly wrong. She's never really made the right decision in her life. Making up people to support her ideas? Well, that's called manipulation. Sorry, but it is. Go look it up if you don't believe me.

I'm feeling much better today. Funny isn't it, how I'm the one who's the least of the strong, and yet this virus is barely touching me? Ha ha. That's what you all get for not having faith in me!! But I should milk this a little more and go to sleep. :D

The Good Life

I did something really good today. I bought myself a new car. Why would I? Well, that's easy, since my last one was wrecked by Dave. As I was driving around all over the place in my new Viper, I decided that I could go ahead and give Jade a lift to the mall. I've been sick ever since last night. Damned allergies. They're making my nose run down the back of my throat, and it's sore now. I've got that damned flu that everyone seems to have lately. Jade threatened me with the emergency room if my fever doesn't go down soon. So it's in the triple digits? So what? All the more reason to get air conditioners in here.

I didn't sleep well last night. I don't know if it was because I was starting to get sick, or because of the stress that I've been under lately to get my ass back to work. Whichever it was, I simply stayed awake, and read through some of the stories in Jade's old 7th grade reading book, Pagents. One of the stories that caught my attention was Gertrude Ederle: Swimmer, which was about the first woman who swam the English Channel. Then I found a write up about the Appalachian Mountains, and how they're also called "The Blue Ridge Moutains". That made me think of that John Denver song that goes, "Blue Ridge Mountains, Shannandoa River"....... I also seen that they run through Alabama, which explains alot about Jan The Mountain Man. :D Speaking of Jana, I found a poem in the book that I'm going to send to her. It's by Carl Sandburg, and it goes like this:

Mother And Child
"I love you"
said a great mother,
"I love you for what you are
knowing so well what you are.
And I love you more yet, child,
deeper yet thean ever, child,
for what you are going to be,
knowing so well you are going far,
knowing your great works are ahead,
ahead and beyond,
yonder and far over yet."

Anyone with a brain can tell that James is no relation to that freak.... He's intelligent and going somewhere in life. Jana? She's a failure and her children, if they even exist, are failures. I guess that when Marcy gets back home from the mental hospital, Jana will send us all replies and be online. :D Aren't I a bastard?

Hippie Days

I got to see Freedom Dove the other day. Jade had something that she had to go to the hospital for, and I asked to go along. Why she wanted to hang out at her work on her vacation time is beyond me. I decided to go because I wanted to see some of my friends from the cancer ward. Since they moved me the last time, I'm now the youngest in the entire cancer ward. All those old people feel sorry for me, even though I tell them not to. I got to the cancer floor, and I heard a familiar song being sung by a familiar voice. Freedom Dove!! I hadn't heard from her since before Christmas, and I missed her. I hurried down the hall to the "hub" waiting area, and there she sat, on one of the tables, playing a guitar and singing "Blowing In The Wind". There were three cancer patients, Ethel, Joanne, Rachel, and Wild Bill, sitting in wheelchairs around her. They all seemed very happy with the song. When she finished the song, she looked up at me. "Pastel!!" she cried, and opened her arms, inviting me over for a hug. Freedom is like a mother to me. She gave me a hippy name, and made me jewlery all the time that I was in the hospital. She's a breast cancer survivor. She and I were roommates once. She's the best. We hugged, and she let me pick the next song. I chose "Sounds Of Silence". I've always liked Simon and Garfunkel, ever since 1994 when Jade went ape shit looking for "The Boxer" and had to buy nearly all of their albums on records.

After about 45 minutes, one of the nurses said that we had to leave because other patients wanted to sleep. Freedom and I went down to the vending machines where Jade told me to meet her. Freedom bought a bottle of water, and I got a can of Dr.Pepper. Freedom asked me something down there that really made me think. "So, your sister's afraid that she's going to die?" she asked. I nearly dropped my soda. "What makes you say that?" I asked.

"Well, she's here checking on a breast cancer patient that had the surgery that she needs on her own time. I'd call that fear."

"Jade needs surgery for a lot of things. Not just breast cancer."

"It's a horrible disease."

"Free, you're in remission. Jade's not."

"Pastel, I was there once too. I know fear. But your sister is a fighter. She will survive this. Just as you will. You both have good hearts. That's all that's needed to survive cancer."

We sat there for a little while, talking some more, and then Freedom had to go and pick up one of her daughters. I don't mind being the "son" of a genuine Hippie. I was happy when Jade came back. I went home happy. Freedom Dove has that effect on me. Well, I should get to bed. You never know when dreams will come true.