There Again

The stupidity of some people amazes me. Really. That's all I have to say.

Wait, I Want To Go With You!!

I said those exact words to Jade when she was leaving from visiting me here. I don't want to be here. I go to the window millions of times a second, and watch the people out there. Out there, where they're free. Out there, where there are no hourly vitals tests. Out there where the world is a playground. That's where I want to be, dispite the 103°F heat that we've been having all week. I'm never coming back to another hospital for any reason. I don't care what happens to me, if I'm in a car accident and my arms and legs are chopped off or what. I'd rather be dead then here.

Well, it seems as though James's plan worked. Jana hasn't been online for three whole days. Marcy must be at it again with her bullshit. Oh well. It's not like the numb cunt ever wanted to be Jade's friend or anything. Jade gave up her Soul award so that she'd be more like that stupid bitch, writing all that sex and shit in her blog. Think Jana appreciated it? Nooooo. She's moved on from sex on the internet to reporting people who are prettier than her to DHS. Well, they're going to kind of clue on when she reports the entire female population, aren't they?

I kill me! ::laughs::

The Sleeping Controversy

I asked my doctor today why I was being given so many sleeping inducing drugs. I haven't had any trouble falling asleep. Then all of a sudden I'm given sleeping syrups, pills, and shots. They're keeping me asleep. Why? She didn't answer me. She just told me that I looked fatigued, and that I needed to sleep. "I do not!" I protested. Still, I was forced to take two green pills. This was around nine. I'm so un-fatigued, that I only slept for four hours. And to make matters worse, I keep seeing these white flashes of ripples in the corners of my eyes. They're there until I look at them, then I'm okay for several minutes.

I'm not in any pain, so why are they keeping me knocked out? I wasn't that much of a bother. Yeah, I got up and walked around the halls (to hell with regulations and shit, I was bored!) and all, but what's wrong with that? I did that the day after multiple-organ-removal surgery. I like visiting with the other patients. You'd be surprised at how many of them don't get any visitors.

Oh no, more sleeping medicine!

Why??

Why do we gotta be a WebLog WebRing again? Why? Why? Why?

Can you tell that I'm overmedicaited???

The Plot Sickens..

Know what I think? I think that with all the you're lying speeches that Jana's been giving lately, I think that she's a hoax. A lie. A figment of someone's imagination. I got my password to my Netscape account today. I would email her, but I'm pissed.

Shattering Fast

Well, considering that I don't need any more medications, I guess it's a good thing that I cancelled my membership on The Usual Gang of Idiots message board. Don't guess I have to worry about that Member of the Month shit any more, because, well, I'm not a member. My IP's still good there, so I'll probably check back several times. Just to see if there's anything worth bitching about on there.

In case anyone's wondering, I didn't need any restraints or tranquilizers because of what happened yesterday. And I guess that I'm ready to talk about it now. See, Marcy was hit by a semi, and had to have knee surgery. She's okay, but asked to see our daughter. So I'm taking her into to see Marcy, and I was holding her with my left arm. No big surprise, since that's my doment arm, right? Wrong! I've got severe nerve damage in it, and I dropped her! I couldn't believe that I'd done that, and her nose was bleeding and everything. A few tests later, and it was determined that she had a broken nose. I broke my daughter's nose. I still can't get over that. At least she's okay.

Jade asked me very nicely not to talk about Jana (my daughter) in my blog entries. She said that it would only cause problems in the future for me. Particularly with DHS. See why I cancelled my membership to the Message Board? I wanted to be member of the month so bad, but I can't now, all because we've got a trigger happy person on there. I need to get back to my room. They'll wonder.

Open Up Your Eyes; Don't Let Your Mind Tell The Story Now...

People change. I'm living proof of that. I believe that either you're good or bad, no shades of gray. Maybe I'll get slapped upside the head with shock on day, but that's my own choice. I think that basically I was always a good person towards Jade. And when I first knew about Jana, yeah, I hated her. Now I don't. See? No shades of gray. Either I love you or I hate you. It's that simple.

I dare say, with the thought that Jana might retaliate some way, that Jana is a shade of gray. She doesn't love any of us, but she doesn't hate any of us. Yeah, she'll send Jade something for her birthday on day, and be encouraging Marcy to turn Jade into DHS the next. See? Shade of gray. Now, all that's left on my mind is, why am I targeted when I choose to do the right thing? I think that it was the right thing for me to want to raise my daughter on my own, and yet all of a sudden, Jana thinks that James and I made up that ordeal with Lauren. Another example of a shade of gray. I need sleep.

Run That By Me One More Time

I could have sworn that I asked Jade and everyone else not to have any pictures of me on the web?? Oh well, it's okay. I don't mind if the rest of the world doesn't start sending me email that says that I'm a fake. I hate that shit. Can you tell?

Yesterday, there was this big uproar that I was dead, all because Bonnie tites her pictures on her index in weird ways. She gives each picture a number. And she got mine and my brother Andrew's mixed up. People thought that I had died! If I did, then I was in an awful lot of pain for the dead. I was finally given a choice on what I could eat, and I picked french fries and green ketchup. Ten minutes after I ate it, I threw up. Green lumps. Didn't look so pretty. Anyway, the nurse panicked, and said that it was some weird terminal illness. I was poked, blood was harvested, and later on, I was taken to x-ray. All to determine one thing: I'd thrown up green ketchup. Duh!!!!!!!!! I could have told them that. Best not to fight though.

Speaking of fights, I think I feel another one coming on. I don't want to let my daughter go. Never. I'll stop going to treatments if I have to. I'll work every day of my life in order to take care of her. It's not so much that I have this intense fear that what Marcy said about Jana was right, that she'd keep my Jana drunk all the time, but that I'm not sure that I can live without her. I know now that I can't even begin to get a job until all this medical shit is cleared up. But then I will. And I'll keep that job. I know that there are people out there that are willing to do anything to have a baby, but they can't have mine. Hey, I'm not objecting to donating sperm though. Fresh squeezed!