Changes

I don't know how much longer I'm going to be crying over Erik. It seems like forever. But I decided to change my URL to this site for several reasons, and I'm sorry that people are going to have to update their links and everything. But I needed to change some thing in my life that was easy to do. One: Billy is my name, and therefore I should have the blogspot URL. Two: I'll be the only one in the group with a blogspot URL that's a first name.

I like my name, first name, Corrigan, just fine. But I think it's what caused my dad to hate me. Maybe Monday I can get it changed to: William Patrick Corrigan O'Dowd. Just rearrange some of it. Not permanently change it.

The Drops Of Jupiter On Sunflowers

It looks like it's going to rain. That's okay. The rain would match my mood. I went to cdnow.com and bought a copy of The Drops Of Jupiter by Train. It was Erik's favorite song. I bought that and then went and put on a spray of Sunflowers by Estee Lauder. Erik used to wear that perfume all the time. Erik never had an original copy of The Drops Of Jupiter, so when I get the CD, either Monday or Tuesday, I'll put an MP3 on here of the entire The Drops Of Jupiter, not just a clip. I hope that this doesn't run off my readers, if I have any readers that is. Has anyone seen Jade's counter???? Over three hundred visitors!!!!! Shit, with that, no one has the time to read mine.

Well, I need to go hit replay on The Drops Of Jupiter. I can't stop playing that song. Or crying.

Erik

I figured it out. What's making me so sad. Erik's gone. Dead and gone. This finally sank in last night around ten at night. I didn't cry or try to commit suicide or anything, there was just this saddness that came over me. I didn't know what to do. I know that Erik was gay, and I know how he felt about me (he wanted to jump my bones, or me to jump his) but he was also my friend. And I miss him. And when that sank in kast night, I couldn't believe that was what was making me want to sit around and cry.

Cedric mentions in his blog that he's going to put up a memorial for Erik. A memorial site. I am too. Marcy suggested that not only should Cedric and I do this together, but all of us that knew Erik should work on this. That's a good idea. Erik didn't die because of the car accident. He had a broken leg from it, but he died because the ER staff thought that the medical necklace that Erik had in his hand belonged to him. It was Dave's. Dave pulled Erik from the car. While he was, Erik was holding on to Dave, and the chain on the necklace broke and the necklace came off in Erik's hand. As for names it just said: Mancini. Erik's last name is Mancini. He died from getting Dave's medications. He died needlessly. Dave told me this. Dave's better, but he's thinking about changing jobs to another hospital and then suing that one. For the wrongful death of Erik Lee Mancini.

Day Of The Tears

Blame it on the fact that in a couple of hours I'm going to have to go on Dave's radio show probably still hiccupping, and sobbing, or the fact that I seen all those Thalidomide babies last night and know that I spawned one on the Earth or blame it on the tides or something. I do not want to be here right now. Ever since about nine last night everything's gone wrong. My niece, Rainey, suddenly got sick. I accused Jade of not giving her her fluid exchanges and all, and Jade stayed in her bedroom and cried on the shoulder of AlternativePopStar-SexPartner who was already asleep for the night, while I took Rainey to the ER of TRMC. Come to find out, Rainey's sudden illness wasn't caused by any form of neglect. It was just a complication of having no kidneys. A simple phone call to James and a million prayers would have confirmed and treated this; there was nothing the ER staff could do. I had Jana there with me, and walked around the ER with her while some docs worked on Rainey. Dr. Knight, Marcy's doc the entire time that she was pregnant with Jana caught up with me, and confirmed some fears: It's possible that Marcy could be pregnant again. I was given a lecture about the importance of getting steralized because Marcy might not make it this time, or she'd have another, visably deformed Thalidomide baby. Worse: Another 2end generation AO baby. AO=Agent Orange. My dad was exposed in the Vietnam War. So far Jade's been the only one to have any visable physical defects from the Agent Orange. What, you thought her ears were cut with kitchen shears or something??? Maybe she's part Vulcan!! Those little babies that I seen in those jars (they were dead, genius) were all thalidomide babies. They were all deformed. They all reminded me of what my daughter would have looked like had Jade had not researched Thalidmidi and found out that it was just Thalidomide with a different name. Marcy took Naprosyn. Jana grew huge, but she at least grew. I'm glad that Jade looked into this, or else Jana might be dead and on display in a huge pickle jar in TRMC's basement next to the morgue. I think I owe it to Jade to at least tell her that Jana has three kidneys, and that she might be a good match for Rainey. At least that will show the world that I am pure, deep inside my heart. And people can stop saying what an asshole I am. Yes, Marcy and I created life together. But what kind of a life? Jana has massive organ damage. It's not showing well now, but there are reasons why I won't let Jade change her diapers, and that's one of them. Jade would know. She'd want tests done. I think it would be a good idea to let Jana die in 13-15 years. And never let this happen again.

There's more then that that happened today. When I got home from TRMC, it was after three in the morning, and Jade was dead drunk. She was lying on the living room floor with the liquor bottle still in her hand. For some reason I feel that was my fault. I won't tell Jade what my test results were. I don't think she needs to think about that. I'll just post that my liver's getting worse, but this isn't Jade's fault. I know that there's going to be people who will say that I'm posting that to make Jade feel bad for getting drunk. If I had a choice, I'd lay drunk most of the time too. Unfortunately, I found out too late. Stop. Right there. Do NOT send me anything sympathetic, okay? I don't want Pitty Presents. Send those to Jade. Anyway, then an hour ago, I find this email from someone, probably as a joke, that said that I registered with PayPal.com. Donations taken for three things: Therapy, liposuction, and a course of therapy used to "fix" gay people and make them straight. Is this someone's idea of a joke? This hurt. More then seeing those babies in the jars, or seeing Jade lying drunk and passed out on the living room floor. What's worse is a few assholes have donated to this "fund". Don't people know when their little "jokes" have gone too far???

Billy The DeeJay

How many times did you have to read that headline? Two times? Three times? Why? Well, let's see, I've gone on to public internet radio. Yeah, another day gone by without checking Jana's email. ::gasps:: I'm losing my touch aren't I? Well, you can guarantee when she and Shorty split up and he starts emailing her with sexual insults, I'll be right there to read the mail. Heh heh heh.

Anyways, this show was originally Dave and Erik's. I used to listen to it while I blogged and emailed the people in my life. It's kind of weird to be writing this and not having Dave or Erik coming through the speakers talking about some weird thing that happened to them. I missed them last week too. So why not take over until Dave's well enough to go back on? You wouldn't believe the retarded people that called in after I'd explained what had happened to Dave and Erik, asking what had happened to them. You can tell we're in Oklahoma: Land of the RedNecks, who were all too smart to finish school, yet they aren't intelligent to listen to a word that you say to them.

Now, I have a show to finish. Oh, and email to read.

Too Many Blogs

I counted the blogs on my user name here. There was a total of 12 blogs that I've created. I update them all. Everyday. Guess that's why I was too busy to check Jana's email today. *smirks*

The Email Game

I have way too much respect for Jana to post the email that she sent me tonight. However, I don't have one ounce of respect for myself, so I'll give myself permission to post this email that I wrote to Jana tonight.

Jana,
It's been over three months since I actually had so much as the want-to to read your email; you have no life, no ex emails you every day telling you what a sleeze you are, no one emails you nude pictures of themselves, no one even emails you to tell you how much they hate your blog. There was absolutely NOTHING in your email that interested me. I fell asleep three times reading through one letter. Know what's scary? YOU wrote it. Long story short: There was nothing of any interest there so I moved on. Besides, Dionna doesn't know about Vanessa yet and she's been asking about her little sister in email. I have that as a hobby. I let the dead keep sending email and writing in their online diaries. ::laughs:: I bet you thought Jade was still alive?? (That's a joke. Jade IS alive, and unfortunately she wrote all that crap in her online diary).
However, now that you're so paranoid about your email, it makes me wonder what's in there......

Love,
Billy

Yes, I sign my emails to Jana with "love". Got a problem with that? Good. But she's right. I have too much time on my hands. I think I will get a hobby.... One like Dave had where he impersonated The Back Street Boys, Britney Spears, etc. in email. Man, he got a MILLION teenies to send him nudie pics, and stuff. Who knows? Maybe the "real" Lauren will send me a nudie. I'd mention the pictures that she sent me, but that's another whole can of worms and frankly, I hate worms. Don't you?

When You Care Too Much

Why am I up at one in the morning reading bullshit email? Maybe it was the vibes that I got when I was posting yesterday's post. I was right. Jana threw a hissy fit. As of later on today, like when I get home from work, I will reopen Wah! I'm sorry that I closed it. Now why am I suddenly going into asshole mode? Simple. I am sick and tired of voicing concerns for people only to have them misunderstand it. Okay, that wasn't fair. But what is? Saying to me that I have nothing better to do then look through other people's email? Why not? I mean, people steal my regular mail and open it and look through that. So what's the deal with me reading a few letters? It's the same thing: FELONY. I know that Jana didn't steal and open my box that came in Friday, but I've got a bad feeling that she sent it. She probably read Wah!, and got out a Polaroid camera and some leather..... Okay, I'm nauseated now. I have to go lay down.

Now That's Odd

I'm going to post a picture here. Jana will throw another hissy fit, but I don't care. It's proof that James was right:


See that? Shorty's allowed to be on the internet. Why isn't Jana? He's been on since a little after 5 (5:09 PM). He just logged off and Jana just logged on at 6:25 PM. Oh well. It's her life.